How to NOT make strawberry jam…

DSCN1348

First get yourself some delicious, beautifully spotless sweet red berries like mine.  These came from my local produce coop and, man, they are good. You’ll need about 9 lbs.

Make sure there’s a whiney baby making noises in the background.

 

Don’t forget your whole bag of lemons and 12 cups of sugar… seriously.

DSCN1353

Peel the entire bag of lemons and then juice them in your juicer… which you’ll be cleaning many hours later.  At least the machine will get clean.  The pitcher may have to wait until tomorrow.  

Add 4 kids begging to play some type of electronic device to the baby noises.

 

Hull, wash and cut up all the berries and put them into a ginormous stock pot.  Oh, and have your daughter do the chopping of all the berries.  When she tells you they’re all chopped up, go DSCN1354ahead and turn on the stove and add all twelve cups of sugar, the measly one cup of lemon juice you got from peeling and juicing the 11 lemons and your secret ingredient.  Shh. Don’t tell that part.  (and NO it’s not nasty pectin! and don’t look at me that way, either.)  Now, realize that she didn’t chop up all the berries.  That there are whole berries floating around in your jam!  Take a slotted spoon and dig out all the big chunks of berries and chop them up. Return them to the pot. 

 

About now is when you get a nasty, painful burn on the underside of your wrist from boiling berries.  We’re talking pain shooting DSCN1368up the arm.  Thank goodness you have Gardener’s Salve to sooth it.  Have the oldest child bandage you up and continue stirring your berries while you also cook lunch for the hungry kids.  They’ve moved on from electronics to focus on more immediate desires such as eating and drinking whatever’s least convenient in the kitchen. 

The baby is beyond cranky and absolutely must have her mother right now

 

So you’re standing there… stirring your berries (which are taking an awful long time to set up), holding a baby on your hip, watching the oven where lunch is cooking and rinsing dishes.  You serve lunch and stir.  Check the berries – not ready yet.  Stir some more.  This baby is getting heavy now.  Go sit down in the dining room for two minutes and come back to stir, stir, stir. 

Wait.

Sniff.

Oh man!!!!  Seriously?  All that and you burn the berries!  Oh my big fat cow! I cannot believe this. 

sigh

Now you have 21 jars of runny, dark and almost bitter strawberry jam that’s probably only fit for ice cream. 

DSCN1356

Well.  Looks like we’ll be having ice cream a whole lot this year!

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”                            – 1 Corinthians 10:31

knittingprose

Advertisements

4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Darla on August 25, 2011 at 6:22 am

    Lol, Sara! Reading the account was even funnier than hearing you tell it! (except for the burn part, of course!) It was gracious of you to leave out the part about your friend calling in the midst of your ordeal to ask a favor! 😉 I hope your Gardener’s Balm is hastening healing of your arm. I’m going to have to buy some of that from you!

    Reply

  2. I admire your optimism, and I hope your wrist heals quickly! If you ever need help eating all of that ice cream just let me know! 😀

    Reply

  3. Posted by Carra on August 25, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Sara, ] absolutely love you! At least the kids got fed and they didnt break any bones during your busy time :p And who doesnt love strawberry ice cream?! I personally cant wait to have some! You’re the best!

    Reply

  4. I just love my family! My biological AND spiritual one. You guys are the best!

    Reply

What are your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: